Wednesday, 9 November 2011
yesterday i went to oxford with a uni friend, and it was a grey day & a busy day where my unfortunate lack of bus-related courage had me walking the entire length of the city in the dark. it is so easy to be taken in by all the pomp & circumstance of the colleges - but as hector says, "i was confusing learning with the smell of cold stone". i got lonely after my friend left and i think that st andrews is actually a better place to be lonely - at least for me. you'd think that the smaller the town the lonelier you'd feel, but i've never found that. in fact i am the least lonely amongst the trees or beside the sea, when there are no other people at all. that is when i miss him least. sometimes i think i stop missing him completely.
relationships are such funny things. you can listen to one motivational song that tells you to do one thing, and then it is immediately followed by another telling you to do something completely different - and they are both best selling, and you believe them both. and now i am home, and angry, and sad, and potentially making very bad decisions.
fortunately i'm going to see bon iver tonight. so. there's always that.